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A resilient centenarian, her head so hard it would bounce off the tarmac.
On the front page today, we delve into the incredible story of Gertrude Van Doogle, 99 years old, who seems literally invincible. The Apocalypse might just be next on the list, as nothing seems capable of bringing this old woman down.
Born in 1922, Gertrude has survived the Great Depression, World War II, the Hong Kong flu, the nuclear threat of the Cold War, AIDS, SARS, MERS, EBOLA, COVID-19, and a plethora of venereal diseases – a list that could make a Playboy bunny blush. “I think the germs are just afraid of me,” she laughed.
“You should know that Gertrude has traveled around the world three times, survived two plane crashes, escaped an avalanche, and was even attacked by a shark. Rumor has it that after it bit her, the shark had a stroke,” shared her neighbor and lifelong friend, Frank Butler.
In a particularly extraordinary event in 1974, Gertrude was struck by lightning while playing golf. Far from being defeated, she simply lit a cigarette and finished her round. “Lightning? Oh, that was just a little tickle. In fact, it woke me up a bit. I ended up with a birdie on that hole. I even kept the golf club for posterity. It sizzles a little, but it packs a punch,” she claimed with a mischievous smile.
Perhaps it’s Gertrude’s dark sense of humor that keeps her alive and makes her more resilient than most cockroaches. Who knows? With a bit of luck, she might become the first centenarian to survive the next predicted apocalypse. Come on, Gertrude, give them a good lesson in immortality!
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