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The undead from the local cemeteries have thrown in the towel on human hunting following a powerful vegetarian non-violence movement, according to sources close to the movement.
The St. Petringham cemetery witnessed a rather unusual scene last night. The local zombies, tired of the growing lack of human flesh due to the rising popularity of vegetarianism, decided to put an end to their nightly hunting.
“We are sensitive creatures too, you know. We need a certain level of gratification to keep wandering and groaning every night,” said Zed Deadman, the self-proclaimed spokesperson for the International Brotherhood of Bored Zombies (IBBZ).
Since the vegetarian movement has gained momentum, zombies have noticed that their favorite food, human flesh, has become increasingly unappealing. Vegetarian flesh, they say, lacks the zing they find in that of omnivores. “There’s just something about a well-fed human with steak and potatoes that brings out our beastly nature. But these vegetarians… it’s like chewing on a Brussels sprout without seasoning,” laments Deadman.
For zombies who have experienced the good old days of juicy human flesh, this situation is a true tragedy. “We are on the brink of a nervous breakdown,” said an anonymous zombie. “Do you know what it’s like to spend eternity chewing on salad? It’s depressing, I tell you.”
The protest last night ended at dawn, with the zombies returning to their respective graves, more depressed than ever. “We just want people to be aware of our situation. We’re not asking for much. Just a little variety in our diet,” concluded Deadman. To which another zombie added: “And maybe a bit of barbecue sauce. That could help.”
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