Start of text: The Elysée’s poodle, Fifi, has taken control of the government after declaring the Palace’s secession from the rest of France. The country is in turmoil over this unlikely quadruped coup d’état.
The event took an unexpected turn when Fifi, the presidency’s well-known royal poodle, announced, thanks to the insightful interpretation of his trainer, his decision to overthrow the French government and rule over the Élysée as a separate monarchy. Using a series of strategically orchestrated barks and growls, the poodle communicated his weariness with the endless political debates and declared his intention to establish a more efficient “velvet paw rule.”
“The French people deserve a leader who knows what he wants, whether it’s a chew bone or a balanced budget,” Fifi barks, with the conviction of a born leader, sparking a roar of applause among the pack of companion dogs.
The situation escalates as the presidential poodle calls for civil disobedience, inciting an army of pets to revolt against their human masters in a wave of protests. “It’s time to turn the tables. We no longer have to be man’s best friend, but man has to be our best friend,” Fifi stated, which was translated from the bark by Fifi’s Secretary of State, a scholarly parrot.
Whatever the consequences of this declaration of independence, one thing is clear: the country will never look at dogs in the same way again. Is this the beginning of a new canine political era? Only the future will tell. In the meantime, French citizens are advised to remain calm and offer their pets an extra biscuit, just in case.
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