Garden Vegetables, a Tool of Mind Control Orchestrated by Squirrels?

Content:

The world we believe we know may be under the control of squirrels. Our garden vegetables could be their weapon of choice.

With sunglasses perched on her nose, Henriette, 67 years old, a keen observer of her vegetable garden, readily admits: “There are some shady things going on with my vegetables, and I’m certain the squirrels are behind it.” This gardening enthusiast saw her world turn upside down when she began to suspect the little mammals of exercising mind control over humans through the vegetables in our gardens.

“I had proof when I caught Oscar, the squirrel from the neighboring oak, planting stolen zucchini seeds from my stash in various spots in my garden,” Henriette recounts. According to her, these vegetables are not just simple zucchinis, but vectors of mental manipulation. “Ever since I started eating these ‘implanted’ vegetables, I find myself doing unusual things, like organizing my attic or listening to classical music.”

Dr. Arnold Bloom, a self-proclaimed specialist in the squirrel-human conspiracy, supports Henriette’s theory. “It is quite plausible that squirrels are a bit more than just adorable creatures. They could very well be the true masters of the world, using genetically modified vegetables to control our minds.”

The scandal is far from over. In the meantime, Henriette keeps her measuring tape handy to monitor the suspicious growth of her vegetables. “The cherry tomatoes have become enormous in recent days. I’m certain they are radioactive,” she confesses with a wary glance. It remains to be seen whether the squirrels will soon be unmasked or if, once again, this case will remain an unsolved mystery.