Record weekend for the gravediggers: not a single shovelful left, bouquets wilting on their feet, and families asked to “come back later.”
Management promises creative solutions: elegant stacking, mezzanine columbaria, and “short-breath” pricing.
Sunday evening, a red “SOLD OUT” sign was nailed to the municipal cemetery gate, between two cut-rate stonemason ads. At the counter, they now hand out numbered tickets: “Take B42, we’ll call you before winter—or after, if it comes to that.” On the main walkway, sobbing goes by the hour, hugs go on a timer, and chrysanthemums are repurposed as long-term rentals—deposit required.
To avoid saturation, the managers are rolling out “eternal flatshare” and “shared-grave” options, with acoustic dividers and minimalist engraving. The most pressed are rushing to the “mezzanine format,” a discreet, noise-proof-guaranteed stack that promises “depth of soul without taking up too much space.” Others are trying the express columbarium: extended hours until midnight, ashes received via click-and-mourn.
“We’re doing everything to stay close to the families, without dropping in on them,” vows Raymonde Plunier, sales director at Last Smile Funeral Services. “We’ve never seen such a crowd on a Monday: it’s the first time tears have had to wait. And between us, better to run out of slabs than out of ideas.”
While awaiting the big logistical unclogging, the remembrance kiosk is selling “waiting kits”: reusable tissues, timer candles, and a map of the cemetery showing green spaces still breathable. The living, for their part, are invited to take their time: the finish line, rest assured, has no intention of moving.
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