Non-fatal pigeon droppings, rebellious toothbrushes: for his hundredth birthday, our local elder once again evades death!
In the small town of Barking Dog, Ernest, our national elder, celebrates his hundredth birthday today, despite a series of incidents that could have cost him his life. It seems that Death itself has decided to take a day off or, more likely, go on a long strike.
Ernest, a former legionnaire who fought in two world wars, survived the Spanish flu and countless domestic accidents, is celebrating his hundredth birthday today. “I must have gotten the wrong calendar,” he proclaims with a creaky laugh. He spent the day dodging everyday life obstacles, including pigeon droppings falling from the sky like fireballs, and a toothbrush that decided to emancipate from its owner by scraping his tongue until it bled.
“Death must be on vacation, because I’m sure we had an appointment,” he jokes, peeling an apple with a knife that looks more dangerous than an entire army of locusts. Razor blades seem to veer away from his skin like mosquitos scared off by a good repellent, and even dangerously slippery stairs don’t seem to want to trip him up.
As we desperately try to understand how he has managed to escape the inevitable end, Ernest shares his longevity secrets: “You just need to keep death at bay with a good whiskey and a tasteless joke,” he recounts with a smug smile. So, whether Death takes a sabbatical year or is simply terrified by Ernest’s determination, one thing is certain: in Barking Dog, the old adage “Age is just a number” has never been truer.
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