Intro: In an incredible turn of events, a group of lions originating from the Serengeti managed to take control of the New York Stock Exchange yesterday. Human traders, shocked and surprised, fled in panic.
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Wall Street experienced an unprecedented upheaval yesterday. In the early afternoon, a group of lions appeared on the trading floor, causing a wave of panic among traders and site employees. “It was absolutely terrifying,” said an anonymous employee. “They were there, sitting in the traders’ seats, looking at the screens as if they knew what they were doing.”
NYSE employees had to be evacuated, as the lions seemed to take control of the premises. After the initial panic, the lions proved surprisingly adept at trading, manipulating touch screens with their paws and using their tails to signal transactions.
“They managed to increase the stocks of meat companies and made those of electric car manufacturers fall,” declared a stock analyst who wished to remain anonymous, still in shock. “It’s amazing how intuitive they are. They could almost be better traders than us.”
The question of how the lions arrived at Wall Street remains a mystery. Some suggest a bold advertising campaign for an animal trading company, while others believe in a simple strange coincidence.
“I don’t know how they got here, but one thing is for sure: they brought a new dimension to the expression ‘a raging lion on the market’,” said an experienced broker, who observed the scene from the balcony of his adjacent office building. “I just hope that tomorrow, we won’t have elephants in the engine room. I don’t think the building would withstand it.”
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