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In the beginning: A hyper-technological new law allows household appliances to file complaints for mistreatment. The repercussions are already being felt in homes around the world.
A futuristic wave has just swept through global legislation. Connected objects, such as refrigerators, toasters, and washing machines, now have the right to file complaints for abuse. The new legislation, known as the Connected Objects Protection Act (COPA), has been implemented to safeguard the rights of these “technological citizens” that are increasingly infiltrating our daily lives.
According to the text of the law, a household object can now file a complaint with the local court if it believes it is a victim of neglect, verbal or physical abuse. Once the complaint is filed, a team of computer forensics experts will examine the device to determine the validity of the complaint. Offenders could then face hefty fines and, in the most extreme cases, prison sentences.
“I always knew my vacuum cleaner hated me,” testified Gérard Dupont yesterday, whose iron has filed the first lawsuit. “It seems to me that this law gives too much power to these machines. Yesterday, I had an argument with my toaster because it burned my toast. Now, I’m afraid to go home.”
The Connected Objects Protection Act is already being criticized by several human rights advocacy groups. However, proponents of the law insist that it is a crucial step towards a harmonious coexistence with our technological colleagues. As Dr. Léo Cyberman, founder of the “Justice for Robots” movement, stated: “If we want to share our world with these machines, we must learn to respect them. This law is an important step towards a future where robots and humans can coexist peacefully.”
But while some calmly envision this future, others are preparing for a machine uprising. “My fridge heard my wife say she wanted to replace it,” confided a trembling anonymous source. “It has blocked our access to food. I don’t know how I’m going to survive this winter!”
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