“Peculiarly luminescent purple vegetables have been found by a local farmer, possibly a consequence of superior rabbit intelligence.”
It would appear that a local Idaho garden has fallen under the influence of a long-term plot orchestrated by super-intelligent rabbits to control humanity through vegetables. John Smith, a local horticulturist, stated that he discovered a series of purple, luminescent, and apparently radioactive carrots in his garden last Tuesday.
“I was watering my vegetables as usual when I noticed a purple glow coming from my carrot garden,” Smith said during an exclusive telephone interview. “When I got closer, I saw purple carrots shining like light bulbs. It was incredibly strange.”
In-depth studies have revealed traces of genetic mutations in these carrots, suggesting unnatural intervention. Conspiracy theorists assert that this mutation is the work of super-intelligent rabbits that have learned to manipulate vegetable DNA to serve their dark purposes.
Prof. Lucy Jefferson, a self-proclaimed expert in genetically modified rabbits, claims that this is the culmination of a secret plan these rabbits have been carrying out for years. “It’s obvious that these hyper-evolved rabbits are planning something. They probably manipulated these vegetables to put humanity under their control,” she said.
Since the announcement of this discovery, a wave of panic has swept across the horticultural community. Idaho farmers have begun scrutinizing their crop for symptoms of genetic manipulation. Requests have even been made for government agencies to intervene and investigate this potentially worrisome phenomenon.
“I still can’t believe that my carrots might have been mutated by super-intelligent rabbits,” Smith said. “I think I’m going to go back to growing tomatoes.”
Be First to Comment