At first, it seemed that we were merely obsessed with the cleanliness of our homes. Now, new evidence suggests that cats, in their quest to dominate the world, have manipulated humanity to promote the rise of robotic vacuums.
Independent researcher, R. U. Sirius, spent months gathering evidence for this bizarre theory. According to him, cats, in reality always superior creatures, have orchestrated all technological innovations to facilitate their domination of the world. Their master plan? Using robotic vacuums as relays to broadcast a special Wi-Fi signal controlling human behavior.
“Watch a cat when a robotic vacuum is operating. It seems to just nonchalantly monitor it, but in reality, it’s directing it, much like a pilot controls a drone,” explains R. U. Sirius. “That’s also why they spend so much time sleeping: they’re recharging their built-in batteries, and preparing their next attack.”
Sirius’s argument is backed by unsettling evidence. For example, he found a suspicious coincidence between the growing popularity of robotic vacuums and that of cute cat videos on the internet. “It’s disturbing to see how much humans are increasingly obsessed with cats, to the point of dedicating their free time to watching these hypnotic videos,” adds Sirius. “I am convinced that the Wi-Fi of robotic vacuums secretly broadcasts a signal that enhances our adoration for these cunning creatures.”
Despite Sirius’s passion for his work, the scientific community remains skeptical. “It may be time for him to get out of his house and stop listening to rumors on online conspiracy forums,” suggests Dr. Jane Smart, a renowned neurobiologist. “The mere allegation that cats control the Wi-Fi is ridiculous. All scientists know they actually control radio waves.”
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