Here’s news that’s gone sour for carrots! A zombie epidemic has decided to graze rather than bite.
An unlikely epidemic surprised the inhabitants of Fauxville-en-Sarthe this morning: the dead have awakened and… began to seize rocket salad and radishes with insatiable appetite. The local butcher, usually so frequented after the bars close, is disconcerted by this new trend of customers rushing towards the town’s fruit and vegetable stalls.
“I don’t understand, they sniff the ground meat and grunt in disgust before walking over me to go to the organic section of the supermarket across the street,” laments Francis Lardif, the butcher. “Even canned brains no longer interest them, it’s a catastrophe for local trade.”
However, this new fashion is not leaving the population indifferent. Some residents are beginning to worry about the threat these new diets pose to their vegetable supply. “Who would have thought one day I would have to fight a zombie for a bunch of carrots?” sighs Marthe the gardener, as she barricades her vegetable garden.
On its side, the local tourist office is trying to take advantage of the situation to boost the economy by selling “Zombi-green tours,” guided tours of the devastated gardens with tasting of local products… the few that remain. “Our slogan is: Come see how the fresh vegetables you love so much are devoured straight from the source,” declares Fabien, the director of the tourist office, cheerfully. “It’s a unique experience, to be consumed in moderation… and quickly before there’s nothing left.”
It seems that this fake newspaper headline has succeeded in mixing dark humor and absurdity in translating a very real problem – the invasion of vegetarian zombies. After all, it’s a rather grim way of reminding us that, zombies or not, we are all victims of our appetite…
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