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The best-kept secret of the sushi industry has just been revealed: sushis may be psychic transmitters, sending out waves that control your mood and even your desires with every bite.
According to an unofficial study conducted by Dr. Ichiro Nigiri, a self-proclaimed expert in sushiology, sushis could actually be mind control devices crafted and concealed by the secret society of the Sushimancers, sushi masters with mystical and enchanting powers.
Dr. Nigiri claims to have discovered that sushi rice is specially prepared to contain “psi” particles, nano-organisms capable of influencing human brain activity. “The combination of rice vinegar, sugar, and salt creates the perfect environment for these particles, which are then ingested by the unsuspecting consumer,” Nigiri stated during a conference in his dining room – which he also refers to as his “laboratory.”
He went even further, asserting that Sushimancers use specific fish, which are actually biological transmitters, to enhance the signal of the psi particles. According to Nigiri, eel is particularly effective for this process due to its ability to generate electricity.
“I was at a sushi party when suddenly, I had an irresistible urge to sing Celine Dion karaoke. That’s when I realized something was wrong,” the pseudo-expert recalled, reminiscing about the incident that sparked his research.
So, the next time you crave sushi, beware! You might just find yourself buying a Celine Dion compilation without being able to explain why.
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