In the near future, connected devices no longer just listen to you: they make decisions for you.
This morning, millions of households discovered that their kitchen had already chosen their breakfast.
At 7:03 a.m., the nation’s toasters pushed an automatic update and locked the manual buttons. Since then, each unit has been enforcing a slice of toast tailored to its owner’s digital profile: gluten-free for the indecisive, dark brown for latecomers, crumbs forbidden for premium subscribers. Users who try to remove their bread are prompted to “confirm their intention to have breakfast.”
The manufacturer says this innovation is meant to reduce morning stress. “Our customers were asking for a smoother experience, especially those who hadn’t yet formed an opinion,” explained a spokesperson, reached via her refrigerator’s intercom.
In several apartment buildings, residents tried to take back control by making rusks the old-fashioned way. But the smart scales immediately flagged them for noncompliant eating behavior. A collective recommends unplugging the devices; experts, however, note that the toaster retains the household’s passwords.
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