Vegetarian Zombies: The Apocalypse is Less Scary Than We Thought!

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Start stacking boxes of tofu and legumes! The undead have developed an insatiable love for kale and quinoa, completely forgetting about human brains.

The world is in shock as an unconventional zombie apocalypse unfolds. Instead of chasing after human brains like they do in horror movies, contemporary zombies have shown a preference for green vegetables and plant-based proteins. Nutritionists around the world are baffled, and organic farmers are seeing their production alarmingly decrease. Panic spreads faster than our undead friends’ healthy diet.

“It’s incredibly ironic,” says Dr. Francesca Tombstone, a prominent zombologist. “All our lives, we’ve been encouraged to eat more vegetables to prevent diseases and live longer… and now it’s the undead devouring our kale! They’ve even stormed farmer’s markets and raided the tofu shelves. It’s a zombie wellness pandemic.”

Zombies, once feared, are now the laughing stock of the world. More terrifying to organic farmers and health enthusiasts than to the average citizen. Stress management therapies are experiencing a significant drop, while yoga and fitness training are seeing unprecedented rises.

“It’s amazing, none of us could have predicted it,” admits Dr. Tombstone with a laugh. “I guess we have to look on the bright side. At least this apocalypse isn’t like the ones we see in movies. And who knows? Maybe this new zombie trend will make the world a little healthier. After all, if they can become vegetarians, so can we.”