Möbius Counter: to open a file, prove you’ve already closed it

In the administrative maze, users are asked to provide proof of acknowledgments of receipt… that exist only after submission. Between fleeting hours and capricious portals, the straight line becomes a perfect circle.

At the “one-stop counter,” six arrows point to six different doors. The first requires a ticket, available only at the fourth, which distributes tickets only to holders of a ticket receipt. The clock announces: “Window 3 open from 9:00 to 9:03.” At 9:02, you are invited to return “without fail” at 8:59, the day before. Behind a thick pane where speech condenses into mist, the notices pile up: “Original document required, to be collected here after depositing the original document.”

On the online portal, the same file must be sent in color at 600 dpi, but under 1 MB, digitally signed by hand. Appointment slots open every Tuesday at 4:12 a.m. and fill by 4:13; a virtual queue redirects you to itself by “refreshing your place.” “I’m not allowed to tell you I can’t do anything, because doing nothing falls under another department,” confides an elusive agent whose badge reads “replacement for the replacement.”

Official texts pass each other without recognition: form B-22 bis replaces B-22, unless you filled out B-22 bis the day before yesterday, in which case B-22 is no longer obsolete, provided it is stamped by the department that no longer stamps. You are asked for the “photocopy of the original of the duplicate,” accompanied by a “certificate of non-attestation” dated the following day. For proof of address, you must prove you have received the proof of address you are trying to obtain.

The exit is marked by a sign reading “Entrance,” leading to a “complaints department” reachable only by registered mail without acknowledgment of receipt. A brochure promises “fewer steps” and keeps its promise: everything is now centralized on a single number, which leads to a single button, which opens a single message: “Your request has been received. Please start over.” In this theater of shadows, the perfect procedure does exist: it’s the one that brings you exactly back to the starting point.