The Service Window That Exists Only When It’s Closed

To obtain the unfindable certificate, you must first prove you do not have it.
But the proof exists only once the certificate has been issued, the administration assures.

At the entrance to the Central Office of Miscellaneous Procedures, a sign reassures in soothing letters: “Simplification in progress.” In practice, the new protocol provides for booking an appointment online, provided you have first, on site, scanned a QR code posted behind the glass of “window 0,” open exclusively when there’s no one there. Hours are set from 9:12 to 9:17 on even-numbered business days, except when they fall on an odd-numbered day. “We never said it was complicated, only that it was consecutive,” declares, gaze steady and index finger on an empty binder, Lucette Drillon, deputy head of progressive rationalization.

Users, meanwhile, are learning to navigate by sight. “They gave me a number so I could wait my turn, but they called me back after my turn had already passed,” sighs an applicant holding ticket “A-000.” A poster details the recommended pathway: submit the original and its certified copy, the certification only being possible after submission of the certified original. The photo booth dispenses only receipts, to be exchanged for exact change available at the change window, a window located beyond the access-control checkpoint that requires said change to pass the turnstile.

In a corridor, a flowchart with arrows leads from “Pre-reception” to “Post-reception,” carefully skirting reception itself. A voice bot instructs, “press 3 to speak to an agent,” then invariably loops back to “press 3” until the battery dies. One also discovers the new “proof of non-possession”: you must produce a document attesting that you do not possess the required document, a document issued only upon presentation of the required document.

At the complaints window, a complaint form is handed out exclusively to people able to prove they have nothing to complain about. “It’s the guarantee of a well-founded complaint,” explains an agent, satisfied. By late morning, the last user leaves happily with a red stamp “Reviewed and to be reviewed,” valid for 24 non-consecutive hours, to be revalidated yesterday. Simplification, they promise, will continue as soon as possible—that is, before implementation—in order not to delay what has not yet begun.