Lost at the counter: how to get the form that proves you don’t exist

Our reporters followed the official route for a simple procedure: everything got complicated in the very first hallway.
Between shuttered counters, contradictory dates, and missing signatures, the absurd reigns supreme.

First you need the Proof of Non-Application to be able to apply for the Application. This certificate — “not necessary but mandatory” — is obtained at Office 0, located on level -1, behind a door marked “Public access prohibited.” On site, a screen announces: “Your number will be called after the previous one,” but the ticket series starts at the letter Z. At reception, you’re advised to “book an appointment online”; online, you’re invited to “call the switchboard”; at the switchboard, you’re sent to the “dematerialized portal,” closed for maintenance on days with a vowel.

The crucial form F-42 bis states on page 1 that it replaces F-42; on page 2 that it does not replace it; on page 3 that it does not exist. The user guide, to be updated “definitively” next month, is already retroactive to last year. To prove residence, you need a bill less than three months old issued more than six months ago; the original must be “photocopied in blue ink,” a color officially unavailable since circular 12/12/12, repealed by the memo that ratifies it.

“Everything has been clear since the last clarification,” says the head of the Department of Provisional Final Versions: “you just need to provide the original of the certified copy and the certified copy of the original, stamped before the stamp was abolished.” Lacking a stamp, a QR code is offered; it leads to a digital fax number, which acknowledges receipt by postal mail within ten non-consecutive business days.

After three hours of waiting, some applicants emerge with a receipt proving that they have started a procedure that can only be started with that receipt. Alas, the receipt expires upon reading. They are then directed to the “Multiple One-Stop Window,” open continuously from 8 a.m. to 8 a.m., closed in between. The good news? You can redo everything online. The bad news? To access the portal, you must first prove you don’t need it.