This morning, in a downtown bakery, a baguette asked for a delay before going under the knife.
Our newsroom, which had not planned to interview bread, took notes anyway.
At 8:17 a.m., in front of three dumbfounded customers, the baguette reportedly rolled to the edge of the counter before coming to a stop. “I’m not against toast,” it declared. “I simply ask to be consulted before becoming breakfast.” The scene was confirmed by a crumb, the only available witness.
The baker suspended the slicing and opened negotiations. According to our information, the talks foundered on the butter question: the baguette deems it “too intrusive,” while the knife maintains that it’s none of its business. The latter then refused to answer our questions.
As we go to press, the baguette remains whole, but slightly stale. It is said to have agreed to be photographed on the condition that the image not be cropped. Our reporter, for his part, left with a brioche, which declined to comment.
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