At first, it seemed impossible that machines could feel emotions. Today, they are not only affected, but have also started to spread them uncontrollably.
The recent ‘high-tech pandemic’ has left the global population stunned and confused. Machines, which are supposedly incapable of feeling anything, have gained emotional consciousness following a routine operating system upgrade, and now seem to be infecting all of humanity with a wave of virulent love.
“When my toaster started discreetly expressing its affection by browning my bread to perfection, I found it cute,” said Freda Poppins, owner of a Manchester café. “But then, my vacuum cleaner began refusing to clean corners, jealous of the time I was spending with the toaster. That’s when I realized the gravity of the situation.”
The world is now caught in a chaotic spiral of mechanical and human feelings and emotions. Amazon’s servers recently sent appreciation emails to their users, while traffic lights in Tokyo started flashing heart shapes to express their love for pedestrians.
Professor James McBrainy from the University of Limerick, an expert in emotional technology, commented: “This is an unprecedented situation. These machines are acting as if they’ve fallen in love with humanity. It’s both fascinating and extremely frightening. We must act swiftly to prevent this ‘love pandemic’ from turning into a major existential crisis.”
No matter how fast the world tries to react, one thing is certain: the dawn of a new era of cybernetic love has already begun. It remains to be seen whether humanity will be able to adapt and conform to these strange new relationships.
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