The train station staircase retrains as a slide: our sentences land first

At 8:12, the steps called it quits and chose glide over stride.
The information overtakes us; it takes a run-up, goes “fwoooosh,” then starts over again out of sheer politeness.

According to our information (which has no knees, yet still bends), the main staircase first sighed, then smiled, and then started going down by itself, like an impatient paragraph. Passersby were asked to “sit in the syntax and keep their hands inside the quotation marks.” We solemnly remind you that this is a serious article, which puts on a helmet before every hyperbole and double-checks its gravity before taking the plunge.

“I had never seen such a motivated staircase,” confides Prunelle Aubépine, a witness with a degree in things that don’t exist. “It made up its mind in a single slide, and I checked: it was written in black on the banister.” Interviewed by ourselves (who are beginning to suspect our coffee), the surface reports it has “found its true calling: speeding up the ends of sentences.” No injuries are reported, except for our headline which, in its enthusiasm, tried to arrive before the article.

The station, for its part, laid down a mat so the story would land neatly, but the story preferred to bounce on this last paragraph. If you’re looking for the source, it’s at the top of the slide, with a label “Source: gravity.” We promise to haul the information back up by the strength of our calves, unless it slides back down on us again; in that case, please read these lines seated and shout “wheeeee” at the next comma.