A series of astonishing discoveries leads us to believe that our friends, the squirrels, are in fact the big chiefs of our good old Internet. Researchers are having a hard time digesting this revelation that would make them drop their glasses.
It was to be expected: our charming little rodents with black and shiny eyes are not as innocent as they seem. Indeed, according to a recent study conducted by the very serious ‘Institute for Research on the Unforeseen Potential of Rodents’ (IREPIR), squirrels would indeed be the cause of every computer bug, network failure, and error message that we all know too well.
According to IREPIR researchers, squirrels have developed the ability to influence Internet connections using their soft little bodies. By nibbling on fiber optic cables, they would be capable of generating an amount of electrostatic energy sufficient to disrupt data signals. So apparently, this is the reason why your Netflix tends to crash right before the cliffhanger of your favorite series.
In addition, IREPIR claims to have discovered a complex network of tunnels dug by generations of squirrels, extending under the ground of all major cities in the world. These tunnels are actually “information highways” for squirrels, allowing them to move quickly from server to server to orchestrate their misdeeds.
According to famous actor Sam Clafouti, a fervent defender of rodent rights and honorary member of IREPIR: “I knew it from the start. Squirrels have always been creatures full of surprises. Look at their little shiny eyes. How could we not see they were behind all this?”
Faced with this disconcerting revelation, the question now is how we, humans, will handle this new situation in our relationship with squirrels. Will we continue to feed these little saboteurs of nuts and seeds, or will we seek to negotiate a non-aggression treaty with our new masters of the Internet? Only the future will tell.
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