Window to nowhere: the form you can only obtain by already having it

At the Department of Simplified Procedures, users hunt down the D-404, required for everything but issued on condition you present it.
Marketed as “one click,” the process imposes three invisible stamps and a certificate of no certificate.

In the building’s tiled labyrinth, the ticket dispenser assigns letters that match no counter, while the elevator stops only between floors. The so‑called “universal” D-404 is obtained at window 7 bis, which invariably redirects to window 7 ter “for internal consistency.” At the neighboring counter, they demand proof of identity for the application itself: a document signed by the document, failing which the application remains without an applicant.
The procedural vade-mecum, prefaced by a wandering table of contents, specifies that “the digital original must be presented as a certified handwritten copy, in three dematerialized duplicates.” The posted hours guarantee accessibility: “open from 9:12 to 9:17 on even odd days.” The vaunted “single window” has been split across four buildings connected by a courtyard closed for reasons of being open to the public. At the end of the circuit, an agent stamps the queue to certify that it is indeed waiting.

“To simplify, we have merged all procedures into a single step, repeated as many times as necessary,” says, calmly, the head of Deferred Readability, before inviting everyone to fill out form VOID-13 “which certifies the uselessness of any other certificate.” “Our total transparency requires partial opacity, the condition of its perfect clarity,” he adds without blinking.

“They asked me for stamped proof that my stamp didn’t exist; I provided it, and they refused it because it proved the absence too well,” recounts Adèle L., who left with a receipt confirming that her file was “closed for excess of openness.” On the door, a reassuring sign reads: “If you understood, you’re in the wrong building.”