Doorbuster deals on glittered urns and a “Serenity Pack”: big-box retail flirts with eternity.
Under wan neon lights, death slips into the shopping cart like a private-label item.
They rolled up the metal shutters at 6 a.m. on the dot, and the line poured into the too-pristine, tiled shop—like a waiting room for the hereafter. Themed departments, numbered aisles, and the chef’s surprise at the endcap: “buy one coffin, shroud included.” If not poetry, the experience promised practicality—and a hint of industrial fragrance masking the persistent smell of irony.
On site, insider tips were traded, from side-by-side comparisons of wood species to demos of “connected” urns that scatter more notifications than ashes. The sales staff, smiles bulletproof, kept reciting the returns policy: satisfied or refunded, but not reused. “We’re democratizing departure: pay in ten installments with no fees… or scruples,” says Claire T., “Director of Funereal Experience,” straightening her glossy black badge.
The posters promised “a deep sleep guaranteed,” a hand-stitched slogan for promo tablecloths and a fate traced in dotted lines. Between two scanner beeps, some also opted for the “instant keepsake”: a smiling photo in front of the display of foldable coffins, to slide under the bed, right next to the suitcases. “It’s eco-responsible: for each customer, we plant a tree that will wait along with them,” a consultant murmurs, in a lullaby tone.
At the exit, customers stacked coupons and glossy brochures, their gaze burnished by the cold light. One of them slipped the receipt into a wallet, next to a loyalty card already stamped to the brim: “To be used before the end.” We didn’t ask which.
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