Counter 7B: the line to get the right to stand in line

In the windowless building of the Civic Compliance Center, the entrance is on the left everywhere and the exit nowhere.
Between cloned counters, circular forms and automatic answers, visitors learn to go around in circles methodically.

At dawn, they crowd in front of Door C—which leads to Corridor D—to pick up Ticket E granting the right to an explanation of where Door C is. Every day, a fresh map is posted: the red dot “you are here” points to a different spot, while a note specifies that “any resemblance to the building is purely coincidental.” A lighted sign announces “Counter 7B open,” hung just above a carefully lowered metal shutter.

The rules are simple, provided you know them in advance. To obtain Form A-1, you must first present Certificate A-0; A-0 is issued only upon presentation of A-1 duly completed. The copier in the lobby accepts only “originals already duplicated,” and the “Urgent files” box empties every day at noon into the box “Files awaiting a definition of the word urgent.” A clerk, without looking up, reminds people that they must “bring the document we did not request, otherwise we will have to request it from you.”

At the counter, Lucie P., who has come to prove that she indeed lives where she is being summoned elsewhere, displays three contradictory proofs issued by the same office ten minutes apart. “They asked me for a double proof of life: the original and the certified copy of my absence,” she breathes, holding a ticket that shows number 000 and a call time “yesterday, 2:02 p.m.” Around her, arrows on the floor trace a perfect circle, and the only door marked Exit opens onto an airlock where a loudspeaker whispers “Please return to Reception.”

Latest innovation: total digitization, accessible upon presentation of a paper certificate of connectivity. The online appointment requires a number that only an in-person appointment can provide; the help robot, enthusiastic, ends each exchange with “Your request is not a request.” At 5 p.m., a bell announces early closing “due to an overload of opening.” Tomorrow, the poster promises, everything will be simplified: you will only need to remember to ask for permission to ask for permission.