Content:
Opening lines: Fear is settling in among vegetable producers; zombies seem to have gone green. Broccoli, carrots, and lettuce are at the forefront of their new diet!
Full article:
A new dietary trend seems to be spreading at breakneck speed among our population of the undead: vegetarianism. Yes, you read that right. Creatures once carnivorous are turning their backs on human flesh to indulge in the flavors of the garden.
“I saw these creatures devour my cabbage field with a frenzy I had never observed before,” testifies Terrance McOgro, a lifelong farmer and now a helpless witness to the Broccoli Apocalypse. “And the most surprising thing is that they leave the cows alone. They seem to prefer my 2-kilo organic zucchinis!”
The scientific community, however, remains skeptical. Dr. Daniel Sternfels, a zombie biology expert at the University of Hamburg, claims this is an aberration. “Zombies cannot digest cellulose, which is fundamental to a vegetarian diet. It’s ridiculous. You might as well claim they’ve started reading detective novels.”
False quote: “Every time I go out to water the plants, I have to wear steel armor,” laments McOgro. “And don’t even get me started on the attempts to negotiate with them to eat unsellable tomatoes.”
What will be the next trend among our zombies? A craze for yoga? A passion for knitting? Nothing is certain. In the meantime, keep an eye on your salads and pray that your zucchinis can survive the Broccoli Apocalypse.
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