At first, a mere crumb of bread may seem harmless, but reevaluate this, as new evidence suggests that bakers might be attempting to control the world through their baguettes and croissants.
The news fell like a sack of flour: According to the Bread Parapsychology Research Institute (BPRI), bakers are supposedly filling sourdough baguettes with microscopic particles capable of influencing human behavior. The daily run to the bakery might have a much more significant effect than merely feeding our stomachs, it could literally be manipulating our minds.
“The fermentation process of sourdough generates a multitude of byproducts that subliminally act upon our senses,” explains Dr. Gontran Pétremoule, director of the BPRI. “The enticing smell of the crispy, freshly baked baguette is actually a psychological conditioning mechanism that encourages people to repeat the ritual.”
According to Dr. Pétremoule, bread may even have addictive properties, secretly instilled by bakers in their sourdough. “We believe they could be introducing chemical elements derived from gluten that induce a state of persistent satisfaction after consuming their products.”
“I knew I couldn’t resist a crispy baguette, but to talk about mind control,” exclaimed Lionel Lebec, 47, a loyal customer of a Parisian bakery. “Next time, I’ll look at my sandwich with different eyes.”
The bakery industry remains silent on these allegations, leaving consumers in a real pastry panic. Pending further information, our breakfasts will never taste or mean the same again.
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