Your file is incomplete because it is complete

At the Office of Paradoxes, only evidence of absence and original non-compliant copies are admitted.
Our reporter followed, minute by minute, the odyssey of a simple piece of paper turned into a monument to the absurd.

7:58 a.m., door already closed “due to opening.” A notice specifies: “Walk-ins by appointment only.” The ticket dispenser first demands a ticket; it finally spits out a B-∞ bound for “one-stop counter, corridor 13 bis, then 13 ter, back to counter 0.” Inside, the lines cross like badly closed parentheses. Users are asked to wait standing seated, to stay behind the line located on the other side of the counter, and to speak softly into the mute microphone.

The list of required documents spans three boards, each corrected by the others: form B-17 must be stamped C-9, a stamp issued upon acceptance of the stamped B-17. The signature is required “in black blue ink, legibly illegible.” The online portal, accessible on site only, refuses the PDF until it is folded in three and bears an anti-scan raised relief; it also requires a timestamp earlier than the creation of the account and the scanned original of the copy, front-and-back of the back-front.

“It’s very simple: prove that you don’t exist, so that we can validate your existence,” reassures the head of counter 0, handing over a pen without ink. “Bring an original copy, certified non-compliant, of your certificate of optional mandatory option, accompanied by proof of address at the address where you haven’t lived since before now.” And, compassionately: “If you had read the instructions, you’d know there aren’t any.”

At 12:31 p.m., the official clock shows 11:67 and the sign announces closure for an opening break. The file, having gone from “complete” to “incompatible” and then to “completely incompatible,” goes back to sorting for “urgent deferred review.” The user finally obtains a rare document: an acknowledgment of non-receipt duly received. Everything is in order; nothing is resolved.