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At the outset: In an unprecedented turn of events, zucchinis – yes, zucchinis – have been designated as the new head of state in a massive popular vote.
The political world was abuzz today as the results of the most sensational election in history were announced: Zucchinis have been elected to lead the nation. Despite a complete lack of advertising campaign or even the ability to speak, zucchinis won a landslide victory, garnering an astonishing 78% of the votes, leaving the other candidates in shock.
According to experts, this election serves as a sign of the unprecedented wave of “veganization” sweeping the country. “This is a historic moment,” said renowned political scientist, Jean-Jacques Citron. “To be honest, we really didn’t see this coming. But now that it has happened, I think we can all understand that zucchinis represent what we seek in a leader. They are green (environmentally friendly), flexible (adaptable), and never say anything offensive.”
Disregarding initial skepticism, the new zucchini government has already begun to enact reforms. A decree was recently issued, mandating a diet composed of 100% vegetables for everyone, aimed at promoting a healthier lifestyle. Of course, the announcement contained no words, but rather a simple image of a smiling zucchini posed next to a recycled wooden surfboard.
“We have always believed that a certain amount of green on the plate could help fight chronic diseases,” comments Dr. Chou-Fleur, “but for a vegetable to govern the country, that’s a first!”
The quote of the day, delivered by Maxime Broccoli, vegetable rights activist, perfectly sums up the general mood: “We have long awaited for vegetables to take the place they deserve. Zucchinis are proof that one can be both delicious and useful. Fruit salad is over! Long live vegetable salad!”
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