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Summary: Following the claim of the “King of Mussels” to the crown of England, the United Kingdom finds itself once again in the midst of a musky royal battle for the throne. A new chapter of royal absurdity unfolds.
In a whirlwind of fantastical statements that have shaken Buckingham Palace, the so-called “King of Mussels,” Roger La Moule, has emerged from the mists of the English Channel to lay claim to the throne of England. Armed with a crown made from mussel shells, Roger has challenged the current monarchy with a confidence that can only be acquired by someone who has spent too much time alone with a pot of mussels in white wine sauce.
“I have an undeniable right to the crown and I will not back down from my claim,” said Roger, in impeccable English. “My ancestors battled and swam against the ancient fish kings, and it is time that their dedication and sacrifice be recognized.”
The Prime Minister, in a written statement, declared that he could “in no way take the culinary claims of royalty seriously.” However, supporters of the “King of Mussels” have backed their claims, stating that they are based on ancient documents discovered in an old mussel pot.
Ultimately, it remains to be seen whether the “King of Mussels” will manage to make Britain great again – at least in terms of seafood preparation. But one thing is for sure: he is already stirring the pot, and he hasn’t even whipped out his ladle yet.
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