Content:
“BABY HITLER CLONE: FAMILY INSISTS HE JUST NEEDS A BETTER MUSTACHE”
“The Müller family insists that their newly cloned baby has no inclination towards fascism, despite a striking resemblance to Adolf Hitler.”
In an incredibly disturbing turn of events, the Müller family from Düsseldorf, Germany, has sparked global controversy after their recent discovery that they are the unwitting parents of a baby who bears an uncanny resemblance to Adolf Hitler. However, they firmly maintain that their little Heinrich, despite his budding toothbrush-shaped mustache, shows no authoritarian tendencies and is “just a bit grumpy after his nap.”
The news has created an international uproar, but the Müllers insist that it is all a grotesque misunderstanding. “Heinrich is a sweetheart, really,” insists mother Helga Müller. “He only gives loud orders when he’s hungry or needs a diaper change. It has nothing to do with the Third Reich.”
An anonymous source close to the family, however, confides that Heinrich bizarrely prefers red, white, and black over any other color combination. “He burst into tears the last time they tried to put him in a blue onesie,” reports the informant. “But after all, it might just be a phase he’s going through.”
“We will do everything to ensure Heinrich has a normal childhood,” declares father Hans Müller. “He is no more a budding dictator than Instagram is an art gallery. He just needs a chance to prove he is not who everyone thinks he is.”
The family has also been forced to clarify that the little swastikas drawn on Heinrich’s crib were merely awkward attempts by their eldest son to draw windmills. As for whether Heinrich will eventually outgrow his troubling genetic legacy, only time will tell.
Be First to Comment