At the beginning of the article: Chickens are not just simple providers of eggs for breakfast. A new conspiracy theory alleges that they are the real puppet masters of global education.
Independent researchers have published an explosive report today, claiming that all the world’s education systems are controlled by a squadron of ninja chickens. These chickens, according to the report, would be responsible for everything taught in schools, from mathematics to English, including physical culture.
“It’s time the world knew the truth,” said Dr. Turkey, the report’s lead author and self-proclaimed ‘chickenology’ expert. “Our research clearly indicates that ninja chickens have a complex education control system, allowing them to influence the way our children learn and think.”
Schools, according to Dr. Turkey, are filled with chicken spying devices, often disguised as everyday objects such as chalk, backpacks and even cafeteria potatoes. These devices would send real-time information to the secret base of the chickens, located in an undisclosed location, from where the chickens manipulate the school curriculums.
“Every stubborn calculation, every vague essay, every failed recipe of chocolate cake in cooking class… Everything is orchestrated by these masters of the cluck-fu to provide an education aligned with their vision of society!” declared Dr. Turkey.
The report is of course far from consensus and has been widely criticized for its lack of scientific rigor. Many doubt the veracity of these claims, stating that this “ninja chicken conspiracy theory” is extremely unlikely. However, Dr. Turkey and his team remain unwavering.
“One day, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day, the world will realize that we were right,” concluded Dr. Turkey. “And when that day comes, I hope it’s not too late.”
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