At first, absurdity is the order of the day, reality fades to give way to a scene worthy of the most outlandish novels.
On this Tuesday morning, a news story that vibrates the improbable fabric of our alternative reality: Lothar, a Neanderthal man brought back to life thanks to the very latest cutting-edge technology, is preparing for the festive rush and exploring his culinary potential by preparing a Christmas pudding that promises to go viral.
Lothar was brought back to life by scientists from the Institute of Absurd Cloning (IAC), who discovered how to manipulate ancient DNA and combine it with artificial intelligence. Instead of hunting mammoths, our homo habilis is transforming into a cooking star, tackling the complex recipe of traditional Christmas pudding.
“We thought it would be a good introduction to modern culture,” said Dr. More Real Than Life, head of the IAC. “And, of course, everyone loves a good Christmas pudding,” he added with a smile betraying an appreciation for the paradoxes of existence.
With the initial excitement of a bat discovering an umbrella, Lothar set to work. Although his method was somewhat crude – he was seen crushing dried fruit with a club rather than finely chopping them – the results were surprisingly tasty.
In an unlikely statement, Lothar said, “Uga buga mmm, pudding yami!” which was interpreted by the IAC as “I am delighted to participate in this culinary tradition and I hope everyone will enjoy my pudding.”
As news of his feat spreads on social media, pre-orders for Lothar’s Christmas pudding have reached their maximum. The IAC is now planning to broadcast a live cooking tutorial hosted by Lothar himself, promising a deliciously absurd experience for all.
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