Two Intro Lines: A devouring irony! Both a connoisseur of raw flesh and a defender of tofu, the unfortunate food lover drew his last breath at an exclusively vegan culinary assembly!
Lovers of macabre oddities will feast on this news. Our anonymous friend, well known in the closed circuit of alternative gourmets for his love of bloody steak – very, very bloody – was ultimately betrayed by a broccoli.
Bewildered witnesses from the Carnivore Club, where our man used to organize barbecues, reported that he had recently been drawn to the green side of the culinary world. “He had started supplementing his carnivorous diet with a few vegetables. The shock of seeing an ear of corn on his plate was already sufficiently disconcerting,” said his dining companion, a woman who wished to remain anonymous for fear of retaliation from the Club. “I had never seen him eat a vegetable. It was surreal.”
The victim was last seen at a meeting of the VeggieVille Union, desperately trying to cut a chickpea burger with his solid silver fork. “He started to tremble, then he collapsed, face first, into his plate of quinoa salad,” said a shocked participant at the event, who also wished to remain anonymous.
“Eventually, his love for meat took over,” declared Dr. Morticia, the self-proclaimed psychic medical examiner, who provided a free consultation remotely. “His body rebelled after being forced to chew chia seeds, it just said ‘no, no more of this’ and ripped out his soul. It’s a tragic end, but fitting for a carnivore at heart.”
The expected autopsy will undoubtedly confirm Dr. Morticia’s diagnosis and prove once again that tofu is truly disgusting. In this gloomy atmosphere, one question remains unanswered: who will inherit the deceased’s collection of frozen steaks?
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