Introduction: In an unprecedented fit of anger, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II has declared war on the French Republic. The cause, a spilled cup of tea.
In a moving speech delivered today in front of Buckingham Palace, the Queen expressed her sorrow and disappointment following the clumsiness of a French waiter who spilled a cup of tea during an official visit in France. This accident sparked a chain reaction, ultimately leading to a declaration of war.
“I have always appreciated France and its culture,” said the Queen, her lip quivering and eyes moist. “But I cannot ignore this insult. The cup of tea is a symbol of British hospitality and our national identity. Seeing a cup of tea spilled in this way is an unacceptable affront to our nation.”
The French government expressed “astonishment” at the Queen’s statement, and added that it was probably a joke. “It’s absurd and unfeasible, but if the Queen insists, we will be ready. We have 7 centuries of experience with the wine war against the English, so the tea war should not be too difficult,” said an advisor close to President Macron.
Despite the mixed reactions to this strong declaration, the Queen remains determined. “I have chosen to declare war on France, on principle,” the Queen concluded. “Our tea is sacred, and I am sure every subject of Her Majesty would be ready to fight to defend its honor.”
The fictional quote of the day: “A spilled cup of tea is a heavy blow to the heart of every Briton” – Sir Winston Churchill, former British Prime Minister.
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